19. 2 Unlimited - No Limits
Nothing, perhaps, more cringeworthy than an underground music movement being overtaken mainstream by 'artists' who just don't understand it. And the masters of this offence were these two (unlimited) and their 'Techno, techno, techno'. No lyrics.
18. Whigfield - Saturday Night
There's something quite cheery and unifying about a record that has a nice dance to go with it. Somehow, however, this hit managed to fill us all with a terrible sadness.
17. Whitney Houston - I Will Always Love You
It's not the song - Dolly's version is quite passable. No, it's the bleeding lungs delivery, overblown melodrama and sheer number of notes that makes this almost unlistenable. Sounds like she had to be dragged from the mic.
16. Madonna - Dear Jessie
There is no doubting that Madge has turned out some outstanding pop numbers in her lengthy career (Vogue, Express Yourself). But she is also more than capable of scraping the floor beneath the barrel and this nonsense about pink elephants and lemonade sets oen's teeth aching.
15. SL2 - On A Ragga Tip
If you were to lobotomise some gibbons and lock them in a room with some dustbin lids, kazoos and samplers - the results would sound almost sublimely subtle and searingly intelligent than this mindless racket. Don't do that though.
14. Maroon 5 - This Love
Remember Hootie and the Blowfish? Very safe, conservative campus, American pop rock. Well, they sound like a lost Captain Beefheart bootleg in comparison with this bunch of stiff faux-funk bores. Excruitiating orgasm reference too.
13. Radiohead - Pyramid Song
Yes, you read that correctly. This is the rock equivalent of people looking at a lump of old chewing gum in a glass case at a 'modern' art gallery and pretending they can see something profound. This is not an artistic statement, it's a miserable bloke wailing away while he plays off-key piano to a lucicrous time signature. And nothing more.
12. Crazy Town - Butterfly
Even if you've never heard this dreadful attempt to blend hip-hop and white rock in a style the kids are all loving, the fact that the band are called Crazy Town should tell you all you need to know.
11. Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Love Missle F1-11
Great band name, excellent title for the single, unprecedented use of PR and hype - surely we were entitled to expect the new Sex Pistols. Unfortunately what we got was something which may well have been cobbled together by some ten year olds who had borrowed their brothers' synths and guitars before getting bored and going out to play on their bikes. In short, a right ruddy let down.
NEXT WEEK: The world's worst singles numbers 10 - 1
