The 30 worst singles of all time (pt.1)
30. The Cheeky Girls - Cheeky Song
Not funny, not sexy, not entertaining - just stupid and a bit creepy. And that's before Lembit got involved.
29. Color Me Badd - I Want To Sex You Up
Talking of unsexy, this horrible slab of R&B lite is about as erotic as a road accident and reminds one of white, middle class frat boys trying to do raunchy street music. Because it is.
28. Gazza and Lindisfarne - Fog On The Tyne
The original was a slightly drab, folky tribute to Newcastle. This unecessary 'cover' pulled in a cheap drum machine and worst of all, Paul Gascoine rapping. It's not just the sausage rolls that were sickly.
27. Grange Hill Kids - Just Say No
Of all the misguided attempts to put kiddywinks off the old Persian Rugs, this was surely the most ridiculous. Not only was the message trite and empty, it soon transpired that almost none of the GH cast could carry a note in a bucket. Pass the crack-pipe.
26. Michael Bolton - Can I Touch You There?
Unless you wish to spend a fortnight in hospital followed by a lengthy spell in court. No.
25. Vanilla - No Way, No Way
We only hope this was a post-modern experiment to see how far a very, very annoying, piss poor song from an anonymous girl band could be hyped before it collapsed. Makes 'Wannabe' sound like 'Hey Jude'.
24. Five featuring Queen - We Will Rock You
We could debate the quality (or lack of it) of the original long into the night but few would doubt that this remake is a dreadful waste of everybody's time. Close cousin of Blue and Elton's equally awful 'Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word'.
23. General Levy - Incredible
Clearly 'jungle' wasn't a musical genre that suited everyone, but the problem here was that proper followers of the speedy drums and bassy bass genre labelled this as inauthentic tripe. 'General' made matters worse by appointing himself 'King of Jungle and was never seen again.
22. Mr. Big - To Be With You
If you ever hankered after seeing a bunch of second rate poodle rockers sitting around and jamming trite, garbagey love songs on acoustic guitars, this is the hit for you. Or you might try 'More Than Words' by Extreme.
21. Black Eyed Peas - My Humps
Rapidly becoming the worst very successful band of all time, BEP hit a bizarre and frankly embarrasing low with this ditty about a lady's special parts.
20. Afroman - Because I Got High
Song about a useless b*stard who gets so wasted he can't perform even the most basic of tasks (or 'entertain' his lady love), proves to be more irritating than an actual useless b*stard who ...
NEXT WEEK: The world's worst singles numbers 19 - 11
30. The Cheeky Girls - Cheeky Song
Not funny, not sexy, not entertaining - just stupid and a bit creepy. And that's before Lembit got involved.
29. Color Me Badd - I Want To Sex You Up
Talking of unsexy, this horrible slab of R&B lite is about as erotic as a road accident and reminds one of white, middle class frat boys trying to do raunchy street music. Because it is.
28. Gazza and Lindisfarne - Fog On The Tyne
The original was a slightly drab, folky tribute to Newcastle. This unecessary 'cover' pulled in a cheap drum machine and worst of all, Paul Gascoine rapping. It's not just the sausage rolls that were sickly.
27. Grange Hill Kids - Just Say No
Of all the misguided attempts to put kiddywinks off the old Persian Rugs, this was surely the most ridiculous. Not only was the message trite and empty, it soon transpired that almost none of the GH cast could carry a note in a bucket. Pass the crack-pipe.
26. Michael Bolton - Can I Touch You There?
Unless you wish to spend a fortnight in hospital followed by a lengthy spell in court. No.
25. Vanilla - No Way, No Way
We only hope this was a post-modern experiment to see how far a very, very annoying, piss poor song from an anonymous girl band could be hyped before it collapsed. Makes 'Wannabe' sound like 'Hey Jude'.
24. Five featuring Queen - We Will Rock You
We could debate the quality (or lack of it) of the original long into the night but few would doubt that this remake is a dreadful waste of everybody's time. Close cousin of Blue and Elton's equally awful 'Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word'.
23. General Levy - Incredible
Clearly 'jungle' wasn't a musical genre that suited everyone, but the problem here was that proper followers of the speedy drums and bassy bass genre labelled this as inauthentic tripe. 'General' made matters worse by appointing himself 'King of Jungle and was never seen again.
22. Mr. Big - To Be With You
If you ever hankered after seeing a bunch of second rate poodle rockers sitting around and jamming trite, garbagey love songs on acoustic guitars, this is the hit for you. Or you might try 'More Than Words' by Extreme.
21. Black Eyed Peas - My Humps
Rapidly becoming the worst very successful band of all time, BEP hit a bizarre and frankly embarrasing low with this ditty about a lady's special parts.
20. Afroman - Because I Got High
Song about a useless b*stard who gets so wasted he can't perform even the most basic of tasks (or 'entertain' his lady love), proves to be more irritating than an actual useless b*stard who ...
NEXT WEEK: The world's worst singles numbers 19 - 11
