"I've peed myself."
"No problem it happens to the best of us."
"I'm having an affair with your wife."
"Excellent! Good luck with that!"
"I really like The Cult."
"On my God! What are you? Some kind of weirdo?"
"That's a bit harsh. What's wrong with The Cult?"
"The poor man's Led Zep? They're so derivative."
"If you're looking for a derivative outfit, Led Zep would be the one. Took everything from old blues riffs. The Cult simply recognised the way Page and Plant zapped the head, heart, groin and feet - and did a remarkably good job of stirring up some more of that good stuff. Besides, that only kicked in on third album 'Electric'. Before that they served up a heady mix of tribal drums, psychedelia and power goth. And did a remarkably good job of that too."
"But they sold out, ditched their politics for stadium rock."
"Well, if we're measuring bands by political integrity, we'll have a list with one word: 'Crass', written on it. Sure, The Cult could have done a dozen albums of Apache punk, but you'd be laughing twice as hard at that. They did what most punks did - and soon realised that music beyond the UK Subs could be exciting, theatrical and thumpingly good. The Clash adopted rockabilly, jazz and hip-hop, The Cult adopted Steppenwolf, The Doors and Cream. Both bands sounded all the better for it."
"Yes, but they looked so daft!"
"No they didn't. They looked the part. In just the same way Bolan looked like a cosmic pixie and Bowie a coked up alien, they dressed to emphasise their sound. And while we're at it, what ever happened to bands dressing up for the stage? I mean, the Arctic Monkeys hardly look like the rock bands of our youthful dreams, do they? I like a group that looks outlandish, fantastical and ... well ... rock and roll. It's the way things should be."
"But those lyrics ..."
"Okay, Astbury loved a long string of 'Baby, baby, baby' but the untouchable Radiohead still managed 'Karma police / Arrest this man' and everybody seems to think that's okay. This isn't romantic poetry, it's rock music and dumb lyrics are part of the appeal. Besides, 'She Sells Sanctuary' is a fantastic title for a single."
"Actually, I really enjoy 'She Sells Sanctuary' when it's on the radio."
"Course you do - and you should. Then you can apologise."
